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Fathers and Daughters

Alright… I don’t [think] I have daddy issues. I knew my daddy and even though he had shitty moments, I knew him. He was "there." I have a stepfather who has been around since I was 4. He married my mom when I was 9. He's good and supportive and all that. I've never been "fatherless." My daddy wasn't absent. Life probably would have been a little different if I didn't have a father.

All this comes to mind because a lesbian couple at my job have a daughter: one of them was pregnant and gave birth 2 months ago. I have yet to ask about the baby's father so I don't know if he was a donor or if she was with him and left him for her girlfriend. That part is irrelevant, though. Fodder for gossip mills… Mostly, I wonder if there will be a father figure for their daughter, and if it was a consideration.

Everyone says a woman can't teach a boy how to be a man. But a woman - by herself - can't teach a girl how to be a woman, either. I'm a mama's girl. I love my mom. She taught me a lot. But how would I know healthy ways to interact with men if she had never shown me? How would I know anything about marriage if I had never seen hers? Without both of my fathers, how would I know what's acceptable and what's not?

I'm not saying these 2 women can't be great parents. They're great people. I don't think their homosexuality will "rub off" on their daughter either. (That's ridiculous.) Really I just think the importance of a father is underestimated. I'm pretty sure their kid will encounter men in the world. Her head won't explode when she does or anything, but still…

I'm fine with homosexual couples having, adopting, raising children. I went to middle school with a girl who was raised by a lesbian couple. She was cool. I just wonder where she is now and how she reflects on her childhood. I wonder if she knew her father, if she ever missed him, if she's planning a family and thinks about the impact of a father in her children's lives. What do you think?

Oh… And as I write this I'm watching "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" and heard Iron Chef Cat Cora talk about discovering a dish while she and her partner were pregnant at the same. They're raising four boys. Do you think that makes a difference?
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