Nicole be Thinking...

this isn't directed at anybody... i just really like this song... thanks jack johnson! p.s.... the next blog will be my words... i promise... =] Now I was sitting waiting wishing That you believed in superstitions Then maybe you'd see the signs But Lord knows that this world is cruel And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool Learning loving somebody don't make them love you Must I always be waiting waiting on you? Must I always be playing playing your fool? I sing ya songs I dance a dance I gave ya friends all a chance Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you And maybe you been through this before But its my first time So please ignore The next few lines cause they're directed at you I cant always be waiting waiting on you I cant always be playing playing your fool I keep playing your part But its not my scene Wont this plot not twist? I've had enough mystery. Keep building me up, then shooting me down Well im already down Just wait a minute Jus...

you think i'm playing... but he is... i just got finished watching the democratic debate [and subsequent chit chat about it...] on cnn which anderson moderated... i've loved anderson for a long time... buuuut... now? it's OFFICIAL... lol. first, my take on the candidates: john edwards... i'm not a huge fan... the gay marriage thing.... eh... and he had a hard time answering the questions at hand. and he was very defensive. real shady biz if you ask me... obviously... not getting my vote. hilary clinton... i'll pass. not because of anything she said wrong... in fact, she said a lot of good, correct things... i'm just not feeling her... it may be slightly wrong to say, but i'm not ready for a female president... i'm just not. i think it stems from my small dislike of lesbians... or maybe just loud, obnoxious, fat lesbians like rosie o'donnell... joe biden... is he a rapper? [lol... i'm kidding... but really... where is joe budden?] i think dude is ...

i'm teetering this line between destroying my facebook and myspace pages and, of course, keeping them. both sites have come a looooong way since i started using them... they were harmless and facebook was pretty underground at the time. the politics and drama that comes with them now was not there. no one cared who was in your top 8 (mostly because it was random, but hey...) there was no such thing as an honesty box on facebook. no people without networks. no high school kids to offer a whole new sleaze to the site... SPEAKING of this "honesty box".... what kind of bullshit is that? i added it in fun... not considering any petty crap that might come with it and from the start the crap was there. the things people say when they think no one will find out... i admit, there are things i can't say to people's faces. these three: "i'm only your friend because i can't think of a reason not to be" and "i like you way more than i should" or eve...

i few months ago, i posted this blog... i realize very few people read my blogs now as opposed to the entire staff at ECC like it used to be [shout out to my lovely exes at the ECC! love and miss yall HELLA much!] anyway... this was "all i need." i love how it still applies.... well... i think it's kinda neat that i still want what i want, but i guess in some ways it kinda sucks that i still WANT and don't have what i want... anyway... here it is. again. take notes, my lovelies! all i need is somebody nice. somebody who's not trying to fuck me... and i mean more than just sexually. someone's who's not trying to make a fool out of me, or trying to make me jump through hoops. i need somebody who's not constantly testing me for no reason. someone who isn't trying to control me. someone who doesn't think he's smarter than me. someone who doesn't want to use me. someone who isn't out to take away my pride. someone who likes who i already...

how often do you find a song that is saying EXACTLY what you want to say? yeah i know... often... lol. anyway... this one is for this moment... go bilal, go! [p.s. where is he?] As we stare from across the room Starting to ponder what we've been goin through What does my kiss mean to you? Are we just friends, or is this more to you But if we label this, just picture what we might lose That unexpected kiss, the whole feelin that brought me to you Meanwhile my feelings grow But if we label this just picture what we might lose That unexpected kiss that whole feelin that brought me to you Why rush, why choose, why risk this thing, and ruin me and you I want the lover and keep the friend, I wanna be near you and not pretend But if we label this just picture what we might lose That unexpected kiss the whole feelin that brought me to you The whole thing has got me searchin....

Raw rough and rugged, when addressin the mass public My attitude is fuck it cause motherfuckers love it Got a, chip on my shoulder the size of the Golden Nugget in Vegas And fuck bein famous, I came to get the butters I came from the gutter, my success in this game is sort of like "Pro-jectic Justice," a payment for brushes with police officers, a peace offering From the Gods for the streets I was tossed in 'Til I'm deceased in a coffin I'ma be a beast on these beats, releasin early and often Please, your disdain for the brothers ain't gon' change the numbers It's the strengthenin of chain among us Please, we ain't afraid of none of yas, who want it with us? Ain't nuttin changed since the ninety-six summers, c'mon I guess it's just the penalty of leadership I guess I'm what niggaz wanna be and shit Or niggaz just bored, wanna be in shit 'Fore they get to rappin, start believin it Think they Ali and shit I roll with the punches s...

every once in a while i send tia a text message telling her "in my old age i have learned...." there are things she should know... because at the tender age of 16 there is a lot she doesn't know. a lot she won't know until she experiences it. it's scary to watch people go through things you've been through especially when they're preventable situations. granted, a lot of these text messages are funny. but they're still important. the other day i told her "cold CAC is just apple juice." (CAC is caramel apple cider for all you anti-Starbucks folks) i've been telling sasha that for days because she's been saying that she wants to try some cold CAC (she's slow...lol). after a while i realized how that applies to life in general and i imparted my wonderful wisdom to my wonderful tia. too often we think things are greater than what they are... greater in every sense you can apply: larger, better, more, etc... you've got your life, y...

i like him, but i don't think that's enough. i have a weird feeling. my feelings are the same as they've been but his seem to have changed ever so slightly in the wrong direction. just... reviewing everything he's said to me... everything i think i know about him... and the way things are right now... he just seems slightly less interested. the problem with this is that my vibes could be wrong... i mean... how good can they be over text messages, right? but experiences have taught me how to READ read text messages. experiences taught me how to READ read people... i could totally be wrong. and i hope i am. but for the time being i just don't have a good feeling. i don't know what to do. i'm not sure how i end up in scenarios like THIS one. there's always the one i want but can't have. for whatever reason. distance, lack of interest, another woman, or all of the above. i just wish i knew for sure. i wish i had the foresight to see what i see when i loo...