Nicole be Thinking...

I recently read this article in one of my english textbooks [cuz I'm a dork like that] and it made me think. A LOT. when I read the title I rolled my eyes because, like a lot of women, I think, "I AM an independent woman. that ain't no lie." but then I started reading, and it turns out I'm not as independent as I think. or am i? in the article she says, "...my independence is in part an elaborately constructed facade that hides a more traditional feminine desire to be protected and provided for." I DO want to be protected and provided for. I would love to have a man who does everything for me without me asking. a man who pays for everything, takes me everywhere, loves me. but at the same time it seems that we are taught to do everything ourselves. we're supposed to pay for some dates. we're supposed to make our own money. we're supposed to be in control. we're NOT supposed to rely on a man. so I'm wondering... is it WRONG for me to wa...

he's like an old scab that I keep picking so much so that it never heals. it just bleeds and hurts. I leave it alone and the scab starts to grow and then I see it and I pick it again. I need to develop the indifference to let the scab grow and heal. it would be much easier if someone just shot him.

where do i begin...? this isn't gonna make a whole lot of sense... i don't really have a purpose... just kinda felt like typing... so... i'm back in school. it's going ok. "ok" as opposed to "well" because i've only been in school for 3 days... calculus, 3 english classes, and a physical education something something... i'm still very excited about being in school though... you just don't know how sick of NOT being in school i was... i even WANTED homework [i no longer WANT it... i don't mind doing it... but like i said.. it's only been 3 days.] this semester i'm hoping quite a lot of things go differently than they've gone in the past... i need to make an "academic" set of friends [as opposed to a "party" set of friends like i've had before...] i think i need to get more involved in campus than i have before... mainly because sf state didn't emphasize campus unity and my friends didn't do N...

but you already know that. I mean... I already know that. but it was one of those things in 2006 I kept doing/wanting to do. I must stop in 2007. put in harsh terms, he's fucking me physically and mentally. but he won't in 2007. in 2007, I will pay my debts. starting from the top down. b of a to sfsu and all the acronyms in between. I think my credit is all messed up. I KNOW it is. I need to fix it while I'm young. 2007 is the year for that. I will get good grades spring 2007. I promise. while I was being a bum this semester, I realized that even though I have NO idea what I really want to do with my life, I will have to go to grad school. that means I have to get excellent grades. merely passing is no longer sufficient. darn. I don't have a real new years resolution, but these are some things I would like to make happen this year. I'm not going to start making outrageous claims and goals like.... "I'm gonna work out this year" or "I'm gonna f...