there's a big chunk of my life that i'm not super sure about. i'm the type of person who likes to plan stuff out way in advance. even if i know it's not entirely plausible or even if in the end things didn't go as planned... i NEED that plan. it helps me sleep. it allows me to feel like everything is alright and under control [even if it's just a facade]. right now i feel out of control in my relationship. not in a super negative "we're about to break up" type way but... for me it's almost that bad. i also have a little update about the ex i decided to pardon. my boyfriend wants to go to the nfl. i've known for a while about his nfl aspirations. up until now i hadn't given it that much thought. i want to be with him. would love to marry him. but... football is what he does. if it's professional that will be his number one priority. am i prepared to be number 2? i don't know. this troubles me because for one, we don't know wi...