Nicole be Thinking...

I haven't thought about you since I cut you off... and here you go... trying to come back into my life. . I guess forgetting you is impossible since you took up so much time, but please believe I meant it when I told you I was done playing your game. we have a history that's not always pleasant. what you've done to me emotionally, you will never know. we can't be friends. not because I'm still in love with you [I definitely am not] but because I don't ever want to feel like I feel when I deal with you. you don't know me, but you think you do so you treat me like so. I respond accordingly doing things I don't do. being some girl I am not. you never blatantly disrespect me, but actions speak louder than words. I know from the way you talk to me. the way my thoughts don't matter. the way you demean everything I do. I can't have that. I'm better than that. you had to go so that I could stay. so that I could be who I am. I would do everything all ...

so.... i wouldn't be me if i didn't REALLY like some boy... i swear... i've been boy crazy all my life... always analyzing my feelings for SOMEbody... right now is no different... some circumstances are making me search for negative things about him. he doesn't live here. last time i was in a long distance relationship, it ended terribly. i'm not sure if in that particular relationship it was completely the distance that killed us, though... in this situation it think it COULD be done but i told myself i WOULDN'T do it... so who am i to break my own rules? i'm not sure where his heart lies... i know that he likes me. i'm positive that this could get physical very fast. buuuuut.... what about the rest of it? don't get me wrong... we're friends. we do actually talk. i'm just not sure what he wants... with me being uncertain about the distance thing, i'm not even sure what I want. i don't want anymore flings. i'm not sure a real rela...

forgive me... but uh... i forgot it was black history month... does that mean i'm not black anymore? the truth of the matter is... black history month has never meant much to me. being reminded that african people were brought here as slaves never meant anything to me. coloring pictures of mlk and rosa parks? nope. nothing. the recognition of the achievements of black people in this country being reduced to 28 days out of the whole year is a slap in the face to those of us who are striving and achieving everyday. and then to think most educational outlets do a half-assed job at teaching about black history anyway. i appreciate the things that my ancestors and predecessors have done to make things easier for me. i applaud those who had the strength and the foresight to fight for freedoms i take for granted. but my respect for them is not limited to february, the SHORTEST month of the year. while i may participate in many events that are held in observance of black history month, ple...

have you ever seen food that made you wanna throw up just from looking at it? uuuuh.... yeah... my mama made some tuna casserole... it's her i-don't-feel-like-cooking-but-i-guess-my-kids-have-to-eat meal... it's good sometimes... in fact, this casserole was good... but it has since been all stirred up and stored in this storage bowl and it looks terrible... i think i'mma just go with cup o'noodles... ANYway... i am waiting for a snow storm so that i don't have to go to school. yes... i realize that seems a bit juvenile, but i have wanted to play hookie AAAAALL week... it snowed a little last night i guess, but NOT ENOUGH! damnit! i realize it's thursday and the week is almost over but i'm still waiting for the snow... it's not too late... maybe, just maybe i'll be lucky enough to get out of school tomorrow and get out of taking that calculus test i fail to study for every week... although i'm waiting for the snow for my own lazy reasons... i ...