2010 has been a good year for me. But... along the way some relationships have suffered. Not the ones that matter, of course. People say friendship is seasonal. I would have to disagree. The people who actually know me are still there for me -- and I for them -- even if we don't talk on a regular basis. It's those people who weren't true in the beginning that fade away when the seasons change. No matter the circumstances, I have realized that I'm not very good at ending friendships.
It's not easy for me to call someone a friend. I'm cool with most people but I can count my real friends on my hands. The hardest part of this year was realizing that I was calling the wrong people my friends. One "friend" judged me during a time when I needed support the most. That brought me Facebook drama so I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.
Another "friend" believes that I try to make her jealous by talking about dudes. She told a mutual male friend that I purposely try to make her feel like dudes don't like her because I'm better. (I'm paraphrasing...) Prior to this there were numerous bits of drama that made her a nusance. Once I figured out that she clearly has no idea who I am as a person, I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.
And yet another "friend," with whom I thought I shared a special bond, couldn't be bothered to provide the most basic support for me. Instead she gave me an excuse and sent me to someone who barely knew me (who supported me no questions asked...). This situation is particularly hurtful. I can't just stop talking to her, but everything is strained. I've almost moved on.
Don't even get me started on men.
I realized a long time ago that on a very basic level, I need positive, non-judgmental, honest and supportive people in my life. While I know this about myself, and I know how I feel about these situations, I have a hard time sharing this with the other parties involved. Instead I just put up a wall between us and go on about my business. Further interaction with them leads to eye rolls or confusion. I just... do not dissolve relationships well.
If I haven't talked to someone in a long time and when I do talk to them, the reception is not warm -- not necessarily cold, just not warm -- I assume we're not as close as we were (if we were ever close) and I act accordingly. I guess I assume other people should feel the same way in relation to me so I don't think any explanation is necessary. The problem here is not the acquaintances who can take this and keep it moving. It's the people who were friends until they proved that they were not.
Moreover, my pride won't let me give a person the satisfation of knowing that I let them in and they fooled me with promises of sisterhood and friendship. Perhaps there is a better way to go about ending friendships. Maybe I should invite people over one by one and give them an "exit" interview. Maybe that will make my Facebook and Twitter experiences better and give my eyes a rest. Hell... I don't know. How do you dissolve relationships?
It's not easy for me to call someone a friend. I'm cool with most people but I can count my real friends on my hands. The hardest part of this year was realizing that I was calling the wrong people my friends. One "friend" judged me during a time when I needed support the most. That brought me Facebook drama so I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.
Another "friend" believes that I try to make her jealous by talking about dudes. She told a mutual male friend that I purposely try to make her feel like dudes don't like her because I'm better. (I'm paraphrasing...) Prior to this there were numerous bits of drama that made her a nusance. Once I figured out that she clearly has no idea who I am as a person, I just stopped talking to her. Changed my number and moved on.
And yet another "friend," with whom I thought I shared a special bond, couldn't be bothered to provide the most basic support for me. Instead she gave me an excuse and sent me to someone who barely knew me (who supported me no questions asked...). This situation is particularly hurtful. I can't just stop talking to her, but everything is strained. I've almost moved on.
Don't even get me started on men.
I realized a long time ago that on a very basic level, I need positive, non-judgmental, honest and supportive people in my life. While I know this about myself, and I know how I feel about these situations, I have a hard time sharing this with the other parties involved. Instead I just put up a wall between us and go on about my business. Further interaction with them leads to eye rolls or confusion. I just... do not dissolve relationships well.
If I haven't talked to someone in a long time and when I do talk to them, the reception is not warm -- not necessarily cold, just not warm -- I assume we're not as close as we were (if we were ever close) and I act accordingly. I guess I assume other people should feel the same way in relation to me so I don't think any explanation is necessary. The problem here is not the acquaintances who can take this and keep it moving. It's the people who were friends until they proved that they were not.
Moreover, my pride won't let me give a person the satisfation of knowing that I let them in and they fooled me with promises of sisterhood and friendship. Perhaps there is a better way to go about ending friendships. Maybe I should invite people over one by one and give them an "exit" interview. Maybe that will make my Facebook and Twitter experiences better and give my eyes a rest. Hell... I don't know. How do you dissolve relationships?
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