All in a Name

I was lurking around Facebook the other day… This guy I went to high school with popped up in the "suggestions" area on the home page. I noticed that his name is hyphenated and it threw me for a loop. Further investigation led me to see that he's listed as "engaged" to a girl whose last name matches the name he added to his own. As the frown appeared on my face, the thought of a man taking MY name in marriage disgusted me. The Nicole inside my head couldn't call him a punk fast enough.

But why? What's wrong with a man taking his intended wife's name in marriage? Plenty.

Names are significant. What you call someone expresses endearment, ire, esteem, contempt etc… Because of this, I am not a fan of nicknames or the diminutive form of most names. (i.e. Nikki for Nicole. Billy for William. Etc…) I like the identity that my whooole name encompasses.

When a woman gets married, she takes the last name of her husband. I'm not certain about where this custom originated, but I'm ok with it and I plan to change my name. I also understand why an established woman would hyphenate her last name. But a man? No. He should not take a woman's name. It dishonors his father. And… it would piss off my dad if I had a fiance who thought he was going to take my name. It's emasculating for a man to take a woman's name. It basically says that he isn't about anything. He's not the head of his household. He might as well paint his nails and birth the babies.

Challenging this dude's masculinity exposes a double standard. I know… However, just like some stereotypes are rooted in truth, some double standards are just…. Ok. There are definitely some things that a woman can/should not do. Like… play football, propose marriage, and… take out the trash. Call me old fashioned. Whatever. I never said I was to be a feminist.

I'm totally taking my husbands name. He cannot have mine. But… I'm anxious to know how you all feel.