Terrible Tuesday: Tuck Fwitter

I've said it before: I enjoy Twitter. It gets me through long shifts at work, it gives me interesting articles to read, it inspires me to write. I like the people I follow. [Mostly.] They're like my favorite drinking buddies. It's great. However… In all its glory, Twitter provides a platform to people who don't deserve one, leaving me to throw up my hands, "grrring" at no one in particular. And so… I present to you 5 types of people who make me want to say, "Fuck Twitter."

1. Those who want to tell you what you should be tweeting about.

It is utterly exhausting to be deep ALL the time. It is super hard to eulogize every celebrity who dies, send public prayers for every disaster, and be outraged at every injustice. Yes, people are dying all over the word, but what does that have to do with me watching Real Housewives of USA flip tables and defiantly tell each other, "You're not my friend!" Why can't I be conscious and watch girls argue on Bad Girls Club? Know what? I can. And I will. Don't tell me what to tweet about.

2. Those who think they can dictate who should tweet.

OK… It is a little awkward to see older family members on Facebook. I think I'd be mortified if my Sweet Auntie Tonda discovered Twitter. However, I wouldn't tell her not to tweet. My desire to keep her away has more to do with me not wanting a bunch of "How do I re-tweet?!??!!??!?!??" and "coco,,, can I put pics on this?????!?!!!!!!!" tweets than me thinking she's too old to partake. I saw someone tweet "If you're over 27, you have no business on here." Really? So… I only have 2 years left to tweet. What'll I do? Whatever. To that kid, I'd say, "Go open a book."

3. Those who think you can't tweet a lot and have an awesome life

It is true that when you're out having a lot of fun, you're not thinking about tweeting. Further… If I had hella fun the night before, I'm not going to come back and tell my followers what went down. Only lames spend hours on Friday nights tweeting about "hoq drunk rhey r @ tjis bar" (from the web, or course). However, there are people who have more than 100,000 tweets that I'm sure have great lives.  Some people are conversationalist multitaskers who use Twitter as a medium to comment on life. I can get on board with that. If you can't, you might be missing the point of Twitter.

4. Those who go to bat for celebrities.

So… A while ago… I offended a bunch of Jennifer Hudson's fans when I tweeted that it was amusing to watch Oprah's staff try not to cuss about her leaving Chicago in a storm to go to Dallas the night before her appearance on the show. These fans were all in my mentions calling me a hater and telling me that she made it right with Oprah and she had to work and I just wanna be her and blah and blah and blah some more. The thing is… I don't care about Jennifer Hudson. I was commenting on a tv show I was watching. You will never see me personally attack a celebrity. I don't know those people. AND I would never go so hard to personally defend someone who isn't family or isn't paying me. Some overzealous fanatics should realize that.

5. Those celebrities who RT criticism in order to galvanize their minions.

In the previous situation, Jennifer retweeted another tweet expressing disapproval at her unprofessionalism and called the chick a hater. Now… Jennifer could have easily ignored that tweet. She didn't have to call attention to it. But she did. And while her fans stepped in, she stepped back. It's crap. I see it often. We get it, you're famous, people like you a  lot. But uh… Go massage your ego outside of my bubble.

I won't be getting off Twitter any time soon. Getting all this out has made me feel better already. If you want to, follow the blog @nicolebethinkn. (But only if you're not one of these 5 people.)  =]