This is Why You Are Single

I'm pretty tired of dudes dictating what a woman should be or do. I also can't stand dudes who bash other dudes thinking it'll get them points with women. For this reason, I've never been a fan of Lyfe Jennings. Recently I slipped up, listened to the radio, and heard one of his songs, "Statistics." I felt my face frown. After all, this black man is going back to prison for a domestic dispute with the mother of his child. (Yes. Digest all that…) But for some odd reason, he feels he's qualified to "teach" a woman how to expose bad men and keep a good one. Hmmm… Let's look at his "rules."

"RULE #1 - Don't be a booty call, If he don't respect you girl he gon' forget you girl,"

For one, grown women are capable of having sex just to have sex. It takes two make a booty call happen. If he wants it and she agrees, guess what? That's consensual coitus between grown folks. Why do folks assume that women are "victims" in booty calls? Quite honestly, women probably orchestrate 75% of them.

"NOW 2 - If he's in a relationship and he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you."

This is common sense. I don't really have a problem with this. However, I believe women already know this too. If she says she doesn't, it's because she's in denial.

"RULE 3 - Tell him that you're celibate and if he wants some of your goodies he gon' have to work for it."

I don't believe in playing games and I take celibacy very seriously because people who choose to be celibate are doing it for a purpose. To claim to be celibate to gauge someone's sincerity is hypocritical. Lie to see if someone else is lying? Stop that. Games like this create the drama we claim we hate.

"RULE 4 - Be the person you wanna find. Don't be a nickel out here lookin' for a dime."

This should be said to ev-er-ry-one. Men do this ALL the time. They claim they're looking for a virginal, honest, gourmet-cooking, Mary Poppins, but what man do you know that has these virtues? And if he does, aren't you calling him gay? No one should expect more than they're willing to give. To suggest that only women should be virtuous to find a virtuous mate is… ridiculous.

Lyfe gives us a series of "statistics." It's the kind of shit @TheSingleWoman tweets that single women retweet thinking they're somehow being profound:

"25% of all men are unstable

25% of all men can't be faithful

30% of them don't mean what they say

and 10% of the remainin' 20 is gay

15% of all men got a complex

15% of all men don't practice safe sex

20% of them are from homes without a father

so there's a 50/50 chance that you'll marry a coward"

And then the cherry on this fuckery sundae is an assuring "pep talk:"

"Be patient! He's waiting!

You don't gotta settle for that

Leave all that stress alone!

Get you a backbone!

Stop being sorry for yourself!

Chances make champions

It's gonna take patience

Time is still wastin'"

So… The right man is out there we just have to weed though all the lying-ass, complex, unstable, unfaithful, STD-riddled, homos with daddy issues. And THEN he's probably going to be a coward? Get the fuck outta here.

Women eat this crap up. And that's the problem. As long as you sit around listening to shit like this, no man will want you. Your hang ups are not attractive. And listening to a statistic tell you to beware of statistics is not smart. If you're listening to Lyfe, finding a man is the least of your worries. Get a clue and work on yourself. Then maybe someone else can deal with you.