i'm about to go to san francisco state university in august. i am feeling very awkward right now and the only thing i think could help is a little reflection. four years ago i moved to nashville, tennessee, from oakland, california. it wasn't really traumatic because i spent a year in las vegas, new mexico, in sixth grade. i was more angry than sad because i really wanted to go to st. mary's high school.
my first day of school at pearl cohn comprehensive/business magnet high school was a mess. i saw all kinds of things that i had never seen before. weird hair styles with all kinds of colors. girls with gold teeth - all gold teeth. pregnant girls walking the halls. their southern slang was all backwards. everybody sounded so country.
unfortunately, it's not hard to meet people once they find out you're from california. they asked all kinds of stupid questions: "have you ever been in a drive by?" "do you know any famous people?" "do you surf?" "have you ever seen snow?" "what's compton like?" i answered them (no. don't we all? no. yes. i'm from oakland.) and moved on. once people figured out that i wasn't stupid and that they could always count on my answers to be pretty accurate i met quite a few more people. i did become know as stuck up because i didn't talk to a lot of people and i am sometimes brutally honest.
nashville is a mess. there are no sidewalks. no street lights. no reliable public transportation. no common sense. i went through an intense culture shock. before i moved here i had no real idea about what other black people did. at home we were almost all the same. there was no real line because everyone was mixing and testing boundaries and experiencing and tolerant.
i learned a lot about tolerance and hypocrisy here in the south, the so-called bible belt. did you know that you can't buy alcohol until 10 am mon.-sat. and not until noon on sunday? what difference does two hours make? honestly! and did you know that you can buy rifles in wal-mart? i didn't of course because where is there a wal-mart in the bay area? did you know that it is perfectly fine to marry your cousin if your uncle is deceased? (well that's not really true to my knowledge, but that's the kind of dumb stuff i'd expect from the south.) this is not to say that all southerners are slow idiots, but looking from the outside in they do kind of seem that way. all the people here are big on going to church. they have really clever little bumper stickers like "My boss is a Jewish carpenter." the same people who are the first to cuss you out are sitting in the first pew at somebody's baptist on sunday morning/afternoon/evening.
i learned that you have to accept differences and move on if you want to coexist with someone. i heard some pretty dumb things in my social studies classes. my history teacher is a republican. he only sees things his way. if it's Bush, it's right. if it's Clinton it's wrong. if it's wrong Clinton did it. i couldn't stand the way he thought about the world, but i knew i had to get past that in order to survive in his class. i joined the flag squad and i saw that i would have never survived if i had let those stupid girls get to me. i had to look past my problems with them so we could coexist.
i realized that most people don't know what stuck up really is. if you walk around acting like you're better than that everybody then you're stuck up. if you don't talk to people you don't know, then you're not stuck up. if you don't talk to an ugly boy at the mall, you're not stuck up. i don't believe in massaging egos. i don't talk to people to make them feel good. i talk to people because i have something to say, because i like them, and to get information. i will not lower my standards to make your cousin tyrone look good. if tyrone is ugly and got about four baby mamas then i'm probably not going to talk to him. does that make me stuck up? come on! you have standards too! i am shallow i guess. but what's the first thing you see when you look at somebody. i'm sorry, but if he's not cute, we can be just friends. maybe. i'm not stuck up at all.
i graduated may 18, number 2 in my class. an athlete beat me. but that's not what bothers me. it bothers me that she can't out preform me. side by side academically she would have to catch up a lot. i'm not tooting my own horn, but it's true. it pissed me off to be in the same ap english class with her getting higher grades, listening to her answer question wrong, knowing she can't out preform me. now, during school i was the most diplomatic person in the world. whenever someone would tell me i deserved to be valedictorian i always took her side. i'm not real bitter. i just can't believe that people can't see the truth. i wish they would, but there's nothing i can do about it now.
right now i'm working at a day camp. i'm stacking up my dollars for college, cuz i'm gonna need them. it's fun. i get to play with kids all day and get paid. i'm attracted to a coworker, but it's not my first time going through the "i'm-infatuated-with-this-boy-i-work-with" bs, so i know better. it just makes everyday that much more interesting i guess. plus flirting is fun.
i did have to pay a price for this insight i got. i got this slight southern drawl now from four years of listening and talking to the locals. i don't know what i'm gonna do when i go to school. i'm too cali for nashville, but i sound too country for cali. i'm going to miss my bad little brothers and my parents dearly but it's a good thing i'm about to go to san francisco state in august.
my first day of school at pearl cohn comprehensive/business magnet high school was a mess. i saw all kinds of things that i had never seen before. weird hair styles with all kinds of colors. girls with gold teeth - all gold teeth. pregnant girls walking the halls. their southern slang was all backwards. everybody sounded so country.
unfortunately, it's not hard to meet people once they find out you're from california. they asked all kinds of stupid questions: "have you ever been in a drive by?" "do you know any famous people?" "do you surf?" "have you ever seen snow?" "what's compton like?" i answered them (no. don't we all? no. yes. i'm from oakland.) and moved on. once people figured out that i wasn't stupid and that they could always count on my answers to be pretty accurate i met quite a few more people. i did become know as stuck up because i didn't talk to a lot of people and i am sometimes brutally honest.
nashville is a mess. there are no sidewalks. no street lights. no reliable public transportation. no common sense. i went through an intense culture shock. before i moved here i had no real idea about what other black people did. at home we were almost all the same. there was no real line because everyone was mixing and testing boundaries and experiencing and tolerant.
i learned a lot about tolerance and hypocrisy here in the south, the so-called bible belt. did you know that you can't buy alcohol until 10 am mon.-sat. and not until noon on sunday? what difference does two hours make? honestly! and did you know that you can buy rifles in wal-mart? i didn't of course because where is there a wal-mart in the bay area? did you know that it is perfectly fine to marry your cousin if your uncle is deceased? (well that's not really true to my knowledge, but that's the kind of dumb stuff i'd expect from the south.) this is not to say that all southerners are slow idiots, but looking from the outside in they do kind of seem that way. all the people here are big on going to church. they have really clever little bumper stickers like "My boss is a Jewish carpenter." the same people who are the first to cuss you out are sitting in the first pew at somebody's baptist on sunday morning/afternoon/evening.
i learned that you have to accept differences and move on if you want to coexist with someone. i heard some pretty dumb things in my social studies classes. my history teacher is a republican. he only sees things his way. if it's Bush, it's right. if it's Clinton it's wrong. if it's wrong Clinton did it. i couldn't stand the way he thought about the world, but i knew i had to get past that in order to survive in his class. i joined the flag squad and i saw that i would have never survived if i had let those stupid girls get to me. i had to look past my problems with them so we could coexist.
i realized that most people don't know what stuck up really is. if you walk around acting like you're better than that everybody then you're stuck up. if you don't talk to people you don't know, then you're not stuck up. if you don't talk to an ugly boy at the mall, you're not stuck up. i don't believe in massaging egos. i don't talk to people to make them feel good. i talk to people because i have something to say, because i like them, and to get information. i will not lower my standards to make your cousin tyrone look good. if tyrone is ugly and got about four baby mamas then i'm probably not going to talk to him. does that make me stuck up? come on! you have standards too! i am shallow i guess. but what's the first thing you see when you look at somebody. i'm sorry, but if he's not cute, we can be just friends. maybe. i'm not stuck up at all.
i graduated may 18, number 2 in my class. an athlete beat me. but that's not what bothers me. it bothers me that she can't out preform me. side by side academically she would have to catch up a lot. i'm not tooting my own horn, but it's true. it pissed me off to be in the same ap english class with her getting higher grades, listening to her answer question wrong, knowing she can't out preform me. now, during school i was the most diplomatic person in the world. whenever someone would tell me i deserved to be valedictorian i always took her side. i'm not real bitter. i just can't believe that people can't see the truth. i wish they would, but there's nothing i can do about it now.
right now i'm working at a day camp. i'm stacking up my dollars for college, cuz i'm gonna need them. it's fun. i get to play with kids all day and get paid. i'm attracted to a coworker, but it's not my first time going through the "i'm-infatuated-with-this-boy-i-work-with" bs, so i know better. it just makes everyday that much more interesting i guess. plus flirting is fun.
i did have to pay a price for this insight i got. i got this slight southern drawl now from four years of listening and talking to the locals. i don't know what i'm gonna do when i go to school. i'm too cali for nashville, but i sound too country for cali. i'm going to miss my bad little brothers and my parents dearly but it's a good thing i'm about to go to san francisco state in august.
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